Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Trying not to freak out

I've decided to go back to work a week earlier than I had planned. It's inevitable so why put it off, right? I know what week I'm going back but have yet to decide on the exact date. I chose the week that my mom is going on vacation with nothing to do so that it will be an easier transition for me. I still have to get in touch with my boss and HR director to see if there's any way that I can work a modified schedule instead of being there all day.

It's very hard just thinking about it and I can only imagine what will happen when I'm actually there. I have about 3 more weeks and I hope these are the slowest weeks of my life. I want to spend as much time with Kayla as much as possible. I know that once I'm back at work I will hardly spend any waking moment with her aside from the weekends. This makes me very sad. I'm afraid that I'll miss out on her developmental milestones and that she'll forget I'm her mommy. I probably sound a bit crazy and I'm sure I'm not the first one to think these thoughts but I've been so attached to this child for the past 6.5 weeks and it's a bit hard not to.

Despite the lack of sleep and attending to her every need almost 24/7, I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything. I wish I can get paid staying home and trying to be the best mother to Kayla but I guess there's no such thing. I should really convince J to take on another full time job so I can stay home. Ha!

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