Trying not to freak out

I've decided to go back to work a week earlier than I had planned. It's inevitable so why put it off, right? I know what week I'm going back but have yet to decide on the exact date. I chose the week that my mom is going on vacation with nothing to do so that it will be an easier transition for me. I still have to get in touch with my boss and HR director to see if there's any way that I can work a modified schedule instead of being there all day.

It's very hard just thinking about it and I can only imagine what will happen when I'm actually there. I have about 3 more weeks and I hope these are the slowest weeks of my life. I want to spend as much time with Kayla as much as possible. I know that once I'm back at work I will hardly spend any waking moment with her aside from the weekends. This makes me very sad. I'm afraid that I'll miss out on her developmental milestones and that she'll forget I'm her mommy. I probably sound a bit crazy and I'm sure I'm not the first one to think these thoughts but I've been so attached to this child for the past 6.5 weeks and it's a bit hard not to.

Despite the lack of sleep and attending to her every need almost 24/7, I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything. I wish I can get paid staying home and trying to be the best mother to Kayla but I guess there's no such thing. I should really convince J to take on another full time job so I can stay home. Ha!

Kayla's 1 Month Update

Kayla is getting big! I can't believe that she'll be a month old tomorrow. We had her check-up today and everything was great. She is already 9 lbs 15 oz (she was 7 lbs 12.5 oz on 7/15) and 20.625 which translates to 75th percentile for weight and 10th percentile for height. J likes to round up so we're going with 10 lbs and 21 in. It looks like we have a petite chunk-a-lunk baby.

We go back on Thursday for a follow-up on breast feeding. She was never able to latch at the hospital so I've been pumping all this time. She's been able to breast feed since Friday but I'm still using a shield which I'd rather not. Our pediatrician is going to help us out during the appointment so I can potentially get rid of the shield and pump less and breast feed more.

What else has my baby been up to?

• she's going to start wearing size 1 diapers as soon as our newborn ones are gone (we've had blowouts recently and it has gone all the way up her back)
• feeding 4 oz (still no formula)
• she's up a lot during the day now and eats every 2 to 3 hours and every 4 hours - sometimes longer at night (finally! and we love it)
• wearing 3 month sized clothing