Trying not to freak out

I've decided to go back to work a week earlier than I had planned. It's inevitable so why put it off, right? I know what week I'm going back but have yet to decide on the exact date. I chose the week that my mom is going on vacation with nothing to do so that it will be an easier transition for me. I still have to get in touch with my boss and HR director to see if there's any way that I can work a modified schedule instead of being there all day.

It's very hard just thinking about it and I can only imagine what will happen when I'm actually there. I have about 3 more weeks and I hope these are the slowest weeks of my life. I want to spend as much time with Kayla as much as possible. I know that once I'm back at work I will hardly spend any waking moment with her aside from the weekends. This makes me very sad. I'm afraid that I'll miss out on her developmental milestones and that she'll forget I'm her mommy. I probably sound a bit crazy and I'm sure I'm not the first one to think these thoughts but I've been so attached to this child for the past 6.5 weeks and it's a bit hard not to.

Despite the lack of sleep and attending to her every need almost 24/7, I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything. I wish I can get paid staying home and trying to be the best mother to Kayla but I guess there's no such thing. I should really convince J to take on another full time job so I can stay home. Ha!

Kayla's 1 Month Update

Kayla is getting big! I can't believe that she'll be a month old tomorrow. We had her check-up today and everything was great. She is already 9 lbs 15 oz (she was 7 lbs 12.5 oz on 7/15) and 20.625 which translates to 75th percentile for weight and 10th percentile for height. J likes to round up so we're going with 10 lbs and 21 in. It looks like we have a petite chunk-a-lunk baby.

We go back on Thursday for a follow-up on breast feeding. She was never able to latch at the hospital so I've been pumping all this time. She's been able to breast feed since Friday but I'm still using a shield which I'd rather not. Our pediatrician is going to help us out during the appointment so I can potentially get rid of the shield and pump less and breast feed more.

What else has my baby been up to?

• she's going to start wearing size 1 diapers as soon as our newborn ones are gone (we've had blowouts recently and it has gone all the way up her back)
• feeding 4 oz (still no formula)
• she's up a lot during the day now and eats every 2 to 3 hours and every 4 hours - sometimes longer at night (finally! and we love it)
• wearing 3 month sized clothing

Show us Your Life: Wedding Party and Flowers

Our wedding was very small and was planned in about 4 months. We had been engaged for almost a year and couldn't really decide what we wanted to do as far as the wedding. We didn't want anything big and we thought about going away with just our immediate family and really close friends. That somehow changed and we decided to invite less than 60 people to a very intimate (and very last minute) wedding.

I love the internet. I'm in front of a computer all day long at work so I did everything on the 'net. My crazy self tried to do a lot of DIY 'cause I was so inspired by Weddingbee and all sorts of blogs that I found after J and I got engaged. I thought about doing our own flowers but thank goodness I didn't! I originally found the florist online and I was originally going to buy just the flowers and have my mom and myself arrange them. Since we didn't have a wedding party, we didn't need much but the florist gave me an awesome deal that I couldn't refuse.

I wanted nothing but white/ivory and green for the flower arrangements. My only specific request is to have hydrangeas. I just loved them so much! Everything else I left up to the florist. I sent her some pictures of what I liked and that was it. She did an amazing job on my bouquet and all the arrangements. I had a bouquet of roses and freesias, the two corsages were freesia and hydrangea, J's dad and grandpa had a single rose for their boutonniere, and J had a freesia for his. She came to the farm and arranged all our ceremony flowers of hydrangeas and roses on planters that I provided which we also used for centerpieces at the reception.

[ Photo credit: Jason Keefer Photography ]

I don't like and can't do pain

Aside from the last few weeks, I had a very easy time being pregnant. Labor and delivery was the exact same way --- it was very easy in the beginning and quite painful in the end. Active labor, when I was actually pushing, was only an hour and twenty minutes (yes, I timed it) and I was probably in pain for only twenty minutes. The pain during those twenty minutes was very very painful.

My doctor scheduled to induce me on my due date. She didn't like how my pressure was towards the end and didn't want to wait it out. I was relieved to have an induction date set since the waiting game was getting old. J and I drove each other crazy towards the last couple of weeks. We talked about going into labor everyday! We made bets on when we thought it was going to happen and where.

I didn't expect to deliver Kayla earlier than my due date. I never really experienced braxton hicks and I had only dilated between 1 and 2 cm for three weeks. It was quite a surprise that I went into labor on July 3rd. What's even more unexpected is that she's a 4th of July baby!
The day before Kayla's birth and her birthday were quite a blur. I distinctly remember some parts of it but I don't remember everything about it. I'm almost over the pain. Sure, I still remember that labor was a very painful ordeal but I'm just glad that I didn't get a c-section. I'm sure that would have been hell.

Show us Your Life: Wedding Dress

I know - weird, right? I'm joining in on the fun over at Kelly's Korner. Every Friday Kelly hosts a Show Us Your Life post and this week is dedicated to your wedding dress. I happen to be in love with mine so I thought why not show it? You know how they say that when you know it's the one, you just know? Well, I did! I fell in love with the dress soo much! It reminded me of this Monique Lhuillier dress that I drooled over for so long that I knew from the get-go I will never be able to afford.

My dress is not really a bridal dress. It was meant to be a bridesmaid's dress but I liked it so much and has been dreaming of this exact same style only it was longer...just like what Kelly posted on her blog. There were so minor changes that were done to the dress before it came to be what it was on our wedding day.

I found an awesome lady to do my alterations and I paid more for alterations than what I paid for purchasing the dress. I tried the dress on at local boutique but purchased it online from Victoria's Bridal Couture.

Getting real close but not close enough

I am officially on maternity leave. My doctor pulled me out of work today due to my blood pressure. She's got me doing a 24-hour urine sampling that I have to bring in to the clinic tomorrow and she also ordered some blood work when I came in to see her today. She thinks that I have preeclampsia. If my blood work and urine tests come back positive she wants to induce me this weekend but if not I've got one scheduled for my due date (7/8/9) at 7am. If I don't go into labor before Monday I go back in then and I get an ultrasound that I'm excited about! I haven't had one since we found out the sex of the baby.

Here's the brightest orange container that I was given today to collect my samples in. Must it be this bright? The color reminds of the traffic cones you see when there's construction!

It was wonderful going back into work after my appointment this morning to let them know that I had to leave again and this time I won't be coming back for a while. I'm kinda hoping that she makes her appearance before my due date. I don't think I can handle being home by myself with nothing to do for a whole week. It's not like I can go out and do stuff. My doctor told me to just lounge around and to not do anything. Good thing is I have to go out tomorrow to drop off the big jug of urine (gross) and my mom is off so she's coming over to bring us home cooked meals.

I can't believe that it's finally here. J and I have been impatiently waiting to meet her and the longest we have to wait is about a week. I know our lives are going to change and I can't wait!

(Im)Patiently Waiting

I didn't think these last couple of weeks would be the longest part of the pregnancy. J asks me everyday if I'm having contractions and if I need to go to the doctor/hospital. He is so anxious for our baby's arrival. I know that he will be a wonderful father to our little girl. He tells me often that he'll probably cry like a baby when the baby comes out. I really can't wait 'til we can both meet her!

We are more than ready at this point! We had the car cleaned and the car seat installed on Monday. The hospital bag is completely packed and ready to go. He literally vacuums on a daily basis. He said that he wants it clean around here just in case I go into labor we can come home to a clean house with the baby.

I seriously have a wonderful husband! He's done so much for me since I got pregnant and since we moved. I can't wait to see him interact with our little girl. It brings a smile to my face when I think about it.